05 May 2012

If Only I Could Do It All Over Again: Hindsight is 20/20

If you ever have a hankering for disturbing family-related news out of the United States, start with the website of KTLA Television out of Los Angeles, California. If you tuned in this week, you might have been interested in stories with these headlines
  • Mom Arrested for Allegedly Taking 5-year-old into Tanning Booth
  • Drunk Grandparents Tow Girl in Toy Car Behind SUV
  • Mother Pleads Not Guilty to Bleaching Toddler's Eyes
  • Woman in Mexico Claims She's Pregnant With Nine Babies
  • Crazed Father Bites Off Boy's Penis
(I'm not kidding, these stories all appeared under the Popular Stories banner on KTLA's website when I wrote this post), or you might have read about the peculiar case of Marek Olszewski.

Mr. Olszewski had the stunningly poor judgment, it seems, of visiting his dentist ex-girlfriend, a Ms. Machowiak, for help with a toothache a mere two days after dumping her for another woman. I can do no better than the fine reportage of KTLA itself:
Anna Machowiak agreed [to help], but instead of treating his toothache, she gave him a large dose of anesthetic and pulled out all his teeth.

"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," Anna Machowiak told the Daily Mail. "But when I saw him lying there, I just thought, 'What a bastard'." 
The 34-year-old then wrapped his head in a large bandage. 
When he came to she told him there had been some complications and suggested he wait until he got home to remove the bandage. 
"I knew something was wrong because when I woke up I couldn't feel any teeth and my jaw was strapped up with bandages," Olszewski told the Daily Mail. 
When Mochowiak later moved the bandages he was horrified. "I looked in the mirror and couldn't f***king believe it. The b**ch had emptied my mouth." 
Although I cannot quite put my finger on it, there is a lesson to be learned buried somewhere in this story. Perhaps it concerns the perils of dating the professionally-employed; perhaps it's about KTLA's asterisk policy.

(It was unusually difficult to come up with the title of this post. Alternatives included "An Eye for an Eye, A Tooth for a What?," "Tickling the Ivories," "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served with Floss" and "Ex With a Sweet Tooth, Yours." Have a suggestion of your own? Leave a comment.)

Update: 9 May 2012

Too funny to be true? Yup, says the Los Angeles Times.